August 27th, 2009
It had to be a bad dream. Petrified, not from the premeditated assault on me, but from the sight of the guard. I was expecting the malnourished one, but this guard was a splitting image of the Disney Princess Fiona, only uglier. She was enormous, creepy and hideous. A pale-skinned ogre with a mouthful of missing teeth in uniform.
Even through the revolting sight of the never-once-shaven legs, the multi-coloured varicose veins spiralling up them were not inconspicuous. I wondered what she looked like down south.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 23rd, 2009
There’s no place like home. It’s been a hell of a week, and I’m just glad it’s over.
I hope I can finally put that lousy episode behind me.
However, I did learn a valuable life lesson in there- NO MATTER WHAT YOU THINK YOU’RE GOING THROUGH IN LIFE, SOMEONE OUT THERE IS GOING THROUGH SO MUCH WORSE.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 18th, 2009
I‘ve had this disturbing urge to blog about what’s happened to me in the past 36hours. I promised myself to go ahead with it while I was being drilled by some PeterPan-looking policemen yesterday. (Oh! no no, I haven’t committed another crime- at least not that I know of.)
Normally, this should’ve been like the 150th chapter of my blog entries, so I’ll be nice and give you a sneak peak.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 14th, 2009
I stole the Cameroonian’s sorry excuse for a Polish-English dictionary the day before my transfer. I mean, I could’ve pinched an apple or two, or a tube of toothpaste from the lesbian, but at that point, the dictionary seemed more like a life-saver than a bucket of nourishing apples. It was tattered beyond recognition, missing a bunch of alphabets, but it would go on to save my neck more often than once.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 11th, 2009
En route to my new home, I sat pondering which one of the prisoners I wanted to pummel to death first. The transport van was configured in such a way that each inmate sat knee to knee directly opposite the other.
Read the rest of this entry »
August 4th, 2009
In the midst of battling with my numerous mental issues, I’d become stricken with the biblical curse of “the woman with the issue of blood”. In other words, my menstrual period wouldn’t stop. I had my period everyday up till the minute I left detention, and this would later go on for a whole year. Doctors, Gynecologists, Endocrinologists, Shrinks,Faith healers, Witch doctors, would later diagnose this affliction as stress-induced. My monthly period wouldn’t stop because I was stressed out of my damned mind.
Read the rest of this entry »
July 31st, 2009
This blog is jinxed! It seems some extenuating forces are preventing me from maintaining it. It just so happens that every time I make a promise to post consistently and keep it running, something goes wrong. For two weeks now, it’s been the curse of the blank page. (No, not writer’s block) I tried installing some plugins and ended up messing with some codes, hence the idiot blog wouldn’t load. I had to grovel on the floor and beg my brother-in-law to mend it. He did, and now it’s fine-at least for now.
I SHALL NEVER MESS WITH WORDPRESS CODES!
So, if you dear imaginary readers would find it in your schedules to kindly visit again?
Kindly listen to the long-winding ramblings of a poor unfortunate idiot illegal undocumented alien…
July 16th, 2009
Life in cell 105 was absolutely fantastic! I suffered from dementia, chronic insomnia, melancholic depression and a string of other mental disorders I couldn’t quite put a finger on.
Read the rest of this entry »
July 14th, 2009
I’ve just received the ‘are-you-seriously-trying-to-be-stupid- wake-up call’ I’ve been looking for and it’s jolted me back to reality. Well what can I say? I made my first blogging mistake…see, I’m human. And I deeply and sincerely do apologize to you…yes you, dear reader. It startles me discover people actually take time out of their ever so busy schedules to peruse the ramblings of an idiot illegal undocumented alien.
Hear me out…
Read the rest of this entry »
July 9th, 2009
I haven’t posted in a while. That’s basically due to a number of reasons:
First, I couldn’t log into my admin page for a few weeks, but that’s sorted now.
Secondly, let’s be honest, my writing was a tad amateur…it was becoming so much of a drag, and I hate to punish my readers.
Next, you all have to admit, my story’s one hell of an interesting one, so let’s just say I got a book in the works, so there’s not much point putting up posts – is there?? Hopefully, you’ll get to read the rest in my best seller. (wink)
Also, I’ve just recently moved to Slovenia to be with the Slovenian and live happily ever after, so moving cross country from Poland has been hectic.
Finally, I’ve decided to blog about other things I love. i.e Poker, Shoes, Michael Jackson, Shopaholism and life as an alien in a planet which isn’t Poland.
Stay tuned…
